This material is authentic verbal folklore. It is also transgressive of a variety of verbal taboos, intentionally and meaningfully -- tht is part of its function, a kind of verbal violence.


From Maledicta inter alia:

"That girl could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch." (in praise of a  fellatrix).

"She could suck a golf-ball through fifty foot of garden-hose." (ditto).

"Noisier than two skeletons fucking on a tin roof."

Sister to a younger brother who spat on her: "Save the rest to grease your  cock 'case a pig comes by you want to screw."

"I would drag my bare balls over forty miles of ground glass just to fingerfuck her shadow." (collected from a college student, 1958, re: Kim Novak)

"She'll drop her drawers for a mop-handle if you leave it at a forty-five degree angle."

"I wouldn’t fuck her with a borrowed dick." (i.e., I don’t like her)

“I’d eat a mile of her shit just to get to kiss her ass”

"As excited as a fag in a leapfrog contest."

"Horny as a three-dicked billy goat"


Submitted by Trey Phillips, 2-13-04; the following were collected in Virginia:

(ice on the road) Slick as two snails fucking in a five gallon bucket of snot
Hot as two rats fucking in a wool sock
Happier than a dog with two dicks

Submitted by Dent Co native Matthew Flett on Jauary 26, 2009:

"Tighter than a preacher's prick in a calf's ass" (I hate to speculate on the origin of this saying........ahem........but it is quite popular in my part of rural Missouri to describe a REALLY tight fit, or someone who is REALLY stingy with their money.)

"Where the chickens fuck the hoot owls" (This is usually used to refer to where someone is from, usually someone who is fairly rough around the edges. As in "Where is that mean sumbitch from?" to which one would reply "Oh, he's from Shannon County, down in there where the chickens fuck the hoot owls" Every Local within hearing would understand that this individual is from waay back in the rough country, and is most likely a tough customer.)